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SilverBack
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4,731 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
My wife and I are having serious problems, we're are 97% splitting up. Honestly, only thing that has kept me around this long is my 2yr old boy. The thought of not seeing him daily is tearing me apart. I live for him, so part of me says to deal wit the crazy broad for the reward of seeing my son daily, but the other part says get out. Anyone separated/divorced here wit young kids? How do u deal? Was it worth it?

Sorry for the burden.
 

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Premium Member
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18,999 Posts
Got REAL close to it once when the kids were small...but worked thru it and things are better then ever......but it took a lot of hard work and growing up on both our parts...
Good Luck!!!!!
 

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They call me Destroyer
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11,579 Posts
Greg was in ur shoes not too long ago, luckily I didn't ever have kids with my ex(not for lack of trying). So now that it's final I NEVER have to see her face again...
 

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CMOM FOR DEC 08
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26,574 Posts
I, too, went thru a divorce back in 1995... but thankfully my children were grown.... so I can't help much there, but I feel your pain!
Best of luck to YOU!!!
 

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CAUSE THAT'S WHATS UP!
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3,406 Posts
i will pm you later... this one is real close to me.. so i will hit you up in fact i will pm u my # if you want... and we can talk.. i got divorced when my daghter was 1 and a half... she is now 5
 

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Premium Member
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1,077 Posts
Dude, there is no right or wrong answer to the divorce issue. I went through what you are dealing with. It will be more about just what you think you can handle and any advice any of us give you will only be things to consider.

Stay for the kids, Leave and have peace of mind is a tough call. Search your heart and be certain whichever route you take. Once you take it don't get caught up in the guilt thing, kids, like we did when we were young, rebound and adapt more than we give them credit for. Not easy on anyone but it is what it is and sometimes you have to take the pain to get to a better place.

Good luck, and I got you on my prayer list tonight.
 

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where's my airbrush??
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14,795 Posts
ive never been through a divorce, and don't have kids. I will say this though, and you can take it for what its worth.

I grew up in a household where my parents were constantly at odds with each other. Arguing, not getting along, leaving screaming to get away from each other. As a child, I felt like the only reason they were together was becuase of me and my sisters. That put a huge responsibility on ME to try to be the best I could for both of them, because if I was not "worth it" then they would split up.

I would not wish that on any child. If you are going to stay together, make it work with her and return it to the relationship you had that made you want to get married in the first place. If you cannot do that, and you get divorced, at least that is how the child will grow up, and be used to you being seperated, not having to deal with the burden of knowing (even if you never say it, gaurenteed they will pick up on it like I did) that they are the only reason you are still together

thats my 2! good luck to you man!
 

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As a child of it-- don't stay together because of your son, you have your rights and will always have a relationship with him, fact you could go after sole custody. Your son will see the conflict growing up and the effects will not be good. It's better to see you guys happy apart then fighting and tension growing up. I turned into a inverted, shy person. Waiting to he is old enough to understand doesn't work, My parents split when I was in my teen's. Actual the divorced 2x once when i was 6ish, which a barely remember, and then when I was in my teens, which I remember and still have troubles with and that was 15-20 years ago.

As a husband, you have to gauge if you love her and is it worth it. Us as a couple have Christ in our life that helps bond us through the hard times.
 

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Premium Member
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7,823 Posts
Wow, that's a tough one, for sure. I've been divorced 4 times (twice with children) and I have to agree with SilverMaggie... it is better to be happy and apart than to be unhappy together.

Trust me: you will always have feelings for this woman, but, it is time to move on.

You will forever be your child's father, it all depends on you as to how much you still want to be his Dad.
 

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409 Posts
I'm a divorced father but I have primary custody of my two boys age 9 & 11. I never wanted the divorce because of the kids but i'm so much happier and less stressed! The system is not fair though I collect a whopping 100 month! But I don't care I have my boys tue - fri and every other weekend
 

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I'm in the same boat with soccerdad, I've got primary on my 2 girls, ages 11 and 14 and even though I would not have choosen the divorce it has worked out better for both me and my children. They get a more stable home life and a happier environment.

My personal advice would be to do everything you can do to make sure you can say to yourself you tried your best, and if that doesn't work cut your losses. In the end the only person who's opinion that matters on this is yours.
 

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Premium Member
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11,940 Posts
My son was 2 when I started going through my divorce, He is now 4 and a half. The one thing I learned was that you can't stay together for the kids. It won't work. If you and you wife both want it to work and are willing to put forth the effort, then by all means, work it out. They say that 70% of all marriages that work through a divorce are happier now than before they started having problems. But you need to realize, if your unhappy, your kids are too. They can sense it. Im sending my number to you. Call me anytime. If I can't answer, leave me a VM. Any questions you have, I will do my best to help you through it.
 

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Premium Member
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254 Posts
When I got divorsed..my kids were grown..BUT...if you stay in a volitile relationship...it could have long lasting effects on your children..you may want to consinder seeing a counselor at this point or a lawyer....It will never get any easier or if you think there is no chance of reconsiliation then you will have to move on...sad as it seems there are very little options for you...think of your kids and the hurt that they feel...Is It Worth It?? Joe 650-766-7247 if you want to talk brother...
 

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SilverBack
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4,731 Posts
Discussion Starter #18
I want to thank everyone for there thoughts and words, and to those who pm'd me offering their support. It really means alot that you guys would do that for someone you hardly know. Whether you are of the opinion that we should work it out for the kid's sake, or split for the kid's sake....Thank you.

My wife and I are currently trying to make a thoughtful, rational decision, not one based on emotion. We don't want to separate cuzz we are angry, or stay together to avoid the sadness of splitting. We do love each other, but sometimes love isn't enough. Sometimes two people grow apart and all the differences they had 10 years ago are no longer tolerable, especially when the differences are so many and so heavily outweigh the similarities. Either way, we have an amazing son who I won't use an excuse to stay married. If however we do split, he will be an excuse for my wife and I to return to where we started....as friends.
 
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Premium Member
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I want to thank everyone for there thoughts and words, and to those who pm'd me offering their support. It really means alot that you guys would do that for someone you hardly know. Whether you are of the opinion that we should work it out for the kid's sake, or split for the kid's sake....Thank you.

My wife and I are currently trying to make a thoughtful, rational decision, not one based on emotion. We don't want to separate cuzz we are angry, or stay together to avoid the sadness of splitting. We do love each other, but sometimes love isn't enough. Sometimes two people grow apart and all the differences they had 10 years ago are no longer tolerable, especially when the differences are so many and so heavily outweigh the similarities. Either way, we have an amazing son who I won't use an excuse to stay married. If however we do split, he will be an excuse for my wife and I to return to where we started....as friends.

I'm just seeing this. Sorry to hear about all of the pain, anguish and sorrow.
I can't even imagine what it must be like but from what you said above sounds like you have a very good and level outlook on the reality of it all.

I really admire what you said but especially the bold hi-lighted part.
Sounds like that if even the worst outcome happens at least it will have the best chance of having a slightly positive twist.

My hopes and prayers go out to you and your family. Hang in there brother.
 

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In fact, in such situations, the child is simply afraid to lose one of the parents, each of whom he loves the same, because it is still difficult for him to separate the marital and parental levels in the relationship.
And if it came to divorce, you need to explain that you are breaking up as a husband and wife, and as parents you will always be together. Because you really will. That is why you have to agree with your partner about co-parenting. The uncontested divorce could be an option to reduce tension, because when we were filling out divorce forms, we negotiated and came to solution for the most profitable parenting.
For normal development, it is important for the child to know that he has good parents, and both of them did nothing wrong. So both of you should work over the potential blame you could be putting on each other, knowingly or not. So best luck to you, whatever you decide.
 
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